How to dance in a nightclub for dummies.

Part 1:

Boys: first- the "come get on ma dick bitch pout"

You MUST master this upper lip curl and simultaneously combine it with the "chin nodd" in time with the music. this is essential. if you cannot do this you should be at home with nanna. Keep in mind however that even nanna's can crank the pout so she might might bail on you for a bump and grind down at the club come 8:30.

Second- "spastic fish with legs move"

This is also in conjunction with the "come get on ma dick bitch pout" and "chin nodding" and can be executed by simply imagining what a fish might look like, out of water, unable to breathe, with legs and some rhythmic capabilities. Some of the really fly boys add an the basic "crotch grab move" which I'm sure you are all familiar with by now, originally pioneered by the one and only - MJ R.I.P.

epic grab there Mike.

Thirdly- Location Location Location

Chicks LOVE IT when you subtly dance around them, like just behind them. We love that shit. It communicates that you want said bitch, but not enough to actually buy her a drink, its mysterious and a little bit bad ass, turning. me. ON. It is okay to occasionally even go for a feel but DON'T LET HER KNOW IT WAS YOU (unless she is into it...or doesn't notice cos she's drunk and therefore missing feeling in most of her limbs, then its all go.)

Note: Spotting a potential mate/bump and grind partner.

Make sure she's a bit of a slut, look for classic signs like bad hair extensions, clumpy eye make-up, three or four drinks in hand that she is "holding for her friends cos they needed to chuck a piss ayyyyy" Yep, you got er' what a catch. Once you got her its important you postion yourself in the grind position. Legs wide, shoulders loose, hands on her hips and let her do the rest, bitch knows where to go yerrr boiiii.

If your an ugg, better spin her around, get her another drink and wait for her to loose 20/20 vision :D

Follow these instructions and you will never fail.